You mothers of toddlers--what do you do to discipline your kids???
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
1-2-3 (not so) Magic
In our never-ending search for the perfect book on discipline, I picked up a copy of 1-2-3 Magic. The basic premise (which both Seth and I had previously disdained) was that when your kid is acting obnoxious you "count them." Give them 3 chances to behave, then give them a time-out. So, when Brice was throwing his food, I counted him. I said "one" and he smiled and held up his finger (he just learned he is one year old). When I said "two" he sort of looked at me wearily and threw his orange piece. So I said "three, time out!". He stuck two goldfish in his mouth, held up his hands so I could clean them, then I cleaned him off and took him to his room (which the book suggests). I set him down in his room and he ran to his toys. I called after him, "this is your time out for throwing your food. I'll come get you in two minutes." I came back and opened the door and he smiled at me and handed me two books. Oh yeah, this time out thing is totally going to work. I think we'll have to rethink this.
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7 comments:
Hey there.
By no means do I have a well behaved child. especially in public. I mean, my kid is the one that runs around in the bank while his mother is dropping her papers on the floor and people are staring and congratulating themselves on their well behaved children.
That being said:
I read 1,2,3 Magic when I was teaching.
and, I taught Kindergarten and felt like behavior management became a strength of mine after I had a few years under my belt
and, most of the time I don't feel overwhelmed by Andrew's behavior, though I still have my "What do I do about this?!?!?" moments...like the bank example above.
So, I do count and I do use time out. I first had to teach Andrew how to do time out. So the first week was putting him in time out (right now timeout means he sits on his bed), but when he used a crib, he sat in a chair. So, I would put him there and he would get up and I would put him back and he would get up and I would put him back again, etc. etc. Once he would stay put I would set a little timer (1 minute for each year: Andrew is now 3 1/2 so he sits for 3 1/2 minutes). Then he would sit. If he got up, the timer would be started over. All of this has a pretty intense set up...meaning, it will take a week or so to teach Brice that he really does have to stay where you put him, and what 1,2,3 means, etc. But, we have found that once the system was in place, it was manageable and useful.
so after he sits I come and sit next to him and say things like "Andrew, when I ask to do something, you need to do it." And he'll say, "ok, Mommy." and then "Sorry, Mommy." I keep it simple because I don't want to go over his head. Kathy has this neat way of tying in obedience and honoring God. (Kathy??? Kathy??) But I have not really gotten into that with Andrew. Then we hug and go on our merry ways.
Anyway, I like it.
holy long comment, Batman! I hope you really meant it when you asked about what we do. yikes.
...I'll just sit here quietly, since I'm not a mother...
let me rephrase...
"parents of toddlers, what do you do to discipline your children?"
Well,I don't have a toddler any more, but I used to have 4. My comment is that sometimes you just have to remove them or the item that's causing trouble. Like with the food. You warn him that if he throws hs food, he's done eating. Then the next time he does it, you take the food away. I found the toddler years to be very tiring because you constantly have to get up off the couch and follow through. :) But they do learn pretty well and by 3 or 4 they listen better.
I think your friend Royn's technique sounds good. That's what Supper Nanny does! The question is, will you have the energy to keep putting him in time-out for an hour if he won't stay right away? Especially if you are already tired and you need to nurse or change your younger son. That's where I always had trouble - putting the good ideas into practice!
...okay, I'll come out of my time out...
I haven't read this book, and I only know about disciplining one kid (though I'm about to enter the warp zone of adding a second in a couple of months).
Our strongheaded towhead responds pretty well to time outs, and to our warning countdown of 1, 2, 3. We put her in the same corner for her time out, with no toys, pacifier, or other comforts. Minutes = number of years of age (yes, half years count, especially when I'm angry ;-). I think it works for her because it takes her away from social interaction, toys, TV, etc.. I think if she had something to do, it wouldn't work at all.
We sometimes need to carry her to her corner and watch her close to keep her sitting in place, but other times we ask the preemptive, "Do you want a time out?", and she takes us up on it, walking over and sitting down herself. Hopefully, she's learning to just take a breather and adjust her own attitude (I need to learn this, too). To that end, we conclude a time out by asking *her* if she's ready to come out yet, and talk to her a bit to reinforce the desired behavior and to express some love. And lots of times, she's back in a time out within a minute...
The other nice thing about this is that it's portable-- we can give her time outs in stores, at church, etc..
discipline.... argh.
yeah... we use words like obedience, dishonor, disrespect, unacceptable. my mom says i talk my children to death with terms they don't understand... but one day they will and then it will all seem normal. we don't count. but we did go around and around about that.... my feeling was that i need you to obey the first time. of course, i end up repeating myself which is the same thing.
one phrase that i have always used is, "this is your opportunity to obey." done. then consequence if doesn't obey... or praise if does. praise in the sense of "good job honoring god by obeying." we try and make obedience about obeying god through obeying mom. i guess this is where the "talk you to death part" comes in. but while it is strange with a 1 year old it makes more sense with a 3 1/2 year old.
but, when you find the answer pass it along!
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