Trickle down attention span

I've never had much of an attention span. Except maybe for when I was really young. We had no computers (or any technology, really) and the amount of television and phone time we could have was severely limited. So I read. And played with my dog, listened to music, rode my bike, and hung out with my friends. I could sit for hours and read or just walk and daydream.

I can't really do that anymore. And I don't think it's just because of the kids. Although I blame them, primarily. I think partly it's lack of discipline to force myself to focus on just one thing. Too many magazines. Too much web surfing and emailing and a general lack of engagement with whatever or whomever I was actually engaging with (sorry for the poor grammar).

And of course having kids doesn't help. I'm rarely doing just one thing. Usually i'm doing several things at a time, and I hate it. I hate that feeling of never finishing anything--a task, a thought, a conversation. I often leave social situations riddled with guilt over all the conversations I couldn't finish with people. Did they think I wasn't interested in them or didn't care about what they were saying? I sincerely hope not.

I need to stop. To take more time to do nothing--constructively. To do nothing but read. Or write an actual (gasp!) letter. I don't have much alone time during a typical day. But I have some. The bills and laundry can wait (it pains me to say that). The computer can definitely wait. I need to figure out how to be present again--present to life, present to myself, and present to God.