I Don't Miss It. Not One Bit. (just a little)

I was going through my blog the other day. The early parts. When I was mostly miserable, trapped in a condo with screaming children (i'm not exaggerating). It was a post about our first outing, I think. I was talking about how miserable I was and how it was going to be virtually impossible to ever leave the house, given that Brice was an angry 19-month-old who ran like the wind every time he hit the sidewalk. And Harry was a miserable shreiky 2-month-old who had to be wrestled into a carseat. And then both had to be dragged down a flight of stairs. And then, after the walk, after they had broken me and I was sweaty and sobbing, I had to drag them both back up the stairs. God, I start craving a drink just writing that.

At the end of the post, I made some comment about how I should enjoy it, or at least try to, because I knew I would miss those days. I meant it when I wrote it. But i'm happy to report: I really don't miss it. I think back on those days and I don't miss it.

I think somehow, in the midst of it all, I did manage to enjoy the sweetness. I remember how Harry felt in my arms, how soft his skin was. I remember nursing Brice in the mornings. Seth was still sleeping. Harry hadn't arrived on the scene yet. I would feed Brice and then rest him on my legs and smile at him and he would laugh and grin. Brice would climb into the fridge whenever I opened it and look back at me with that look that said: I'm getting away with something. He thought he was. But he wasn't. I delighted in nearly everything he did.

And yes, life became super stressful shortly after. Brice was recently diagnosed with adhd. But it wasn't a surprise. We knew something was "not quite right." Tantrums that go on for hours. Every day. Anger and aggression. But also extreme intelligence. And sweetness. Soulfulness like you've never seen. This was all beginning to surface right around the time Harry was born. And the condo was falling apart. And Seth was working HOURS at his job. And it was all hard, so hard.

But it was also good. Harry was colicky for 3 months, but after that, you couldn't ask for a sweeter kid. When he smiled, it was like the sun rising. He was so easy to comfort. He smiled with his whole face. He just LOVED. Everyone. I can still feel him in my arms and smell him. He had crazy hair that stood up straight. He was like Kramer. So yes, times were hard. And I felt it all. But it was also sweet. And I felt that, too.

So maybe that's why I can look back and not miss it. I remember how hard it was, and remember the sweetness in the middle of it. I don't miss the pain of that time. But I was present for all the good and I ate up all the sweetness. I "treasured up all these things and pondered them in my heart" like Mary. I didn't miss it while I was in the middle of it, so I don't miss it so much now. I'm enjoying our life as it unfolds. They are becoming more and more who they really are. They are lovely and beautiful, brilliant and funny. They are completely their own people and yet, fully ours. Even when they leave, which they will and they should, nothing will be lost. They will always be ours. All our sweet memories. And all the shining of their potential. Completely their own and always ours.

Epic Road Trip 2013

This past January, or something like that, we decided that our next road trip would be to Texas. At the time, the Grand Plan was to head straight to Dallas, gather up Tim and Marci and their littles, and hit the road caravan-style. This is the narrative I got excited about. 

But then, it turned out that Tim's work was going to mess with our plans and they had to head out to Louisville (their own yearly vacay) earlier than expected and they wouldn't be able to caravan with us. Then Seth's work schedule messed with us. I'll spare you the exceedingly boring and annoying details and just say that at one point, we were thinking about just touring around Michigan. 

But I just couldn't let go of my Texas dreams. I wanted to drive around Texas, nevermind that Tim and Marci wouldn't be in Texas at any point and nevermind that our vacation would be in August. August in Texas. Only slightly cooler and less humid than Hell itself. But I prevailed. Texas it would be. 

Our first stop was in St. Louis. We stayed with Andy and Shelly for two nights. They did the unthinkable this past December and moved away from me. Whatever. We took Kylie and visited the St. Louis, imho the best zoo in the country. And it's free. And it's so cool. Brice got to see a Komodo Dragon finally. 

The kids ride the train around the zoo and I got to pretend that I have three children. It was totally easy. 

The sea lion exhibit. You've got to go to this zoo. It's free--like the Lincoln Park Zoo, but way better. 

After St. Louis, we went to Tulsa to spend the night. But frankly, Tulsa was uninspiring. It was a stop-off just to save us the trek straight from St. Louis to Houston. It was hot, humid, and the fajitas were terrible. So I didn't post a picture. Boo to Tulsa. The above picture is on the Bolivar Ferry in Galveston. We drove onto it and then got out to feed the birds. SO fun. It was little Hitchcock-y, but mostly safe. The kids liked it. 

We drove off the ferry and hit the beach. There were maybe 7 people on the beach at most. And you can drive on it. So we let the kids try their hand at driving. 

From Houston we hit San Antonio. This is a city I was not thinking I would like. I loved it. It was gorgeous. It was at least a million degrees, but still. We had a rooftop pool that served margaritas. We never went to the Alamo. We went to Sea World one day during a heat advisory. A Texas Heat Advisory. We are midwesterners. We complain when it's 85 degrees. That day it was 104 degrees with 100 percent (I might exaggerate) humidity. It was so hot the Texans stayed away. But we loved it. The shows were beautiful, the rides were cold and wet with no wait time, and kids were in good spirits. 

Seth's brother Tim gave us suggestions along the way for bbq places to try. This is Kreuz Barbecue. It was AMAZING. World Famous. Have I mentioned how much we ate on this trip? And drank? Prime Rib? Yes please!! Shiner? Yes!! Margaritas? Two!! We were like Chilly Willy on a tour of the Lone Star State. 

After San Antonio we headed over to Dallas and stayed at Tim and Marci's house. This is B&H checking out the frogs and geckos in their front yard. There's a whole different set of wildlife in Texas. 

This is Harry having a pony ride at the Mesquite Rodeo. 

At the rodeo. The boys were mildly interested, but pretty psyched about the free hotdogs and root beer. In the middle of the rodeo, they had all the littles go into the ring and chase the calves. The first to grab the ribbon off the calf won $20. It was a train wreck. There were at least 150 kids, all bigger than our kids. Harry got hit in the head, Brice couldn't even see the calf. Both were inconsolable by the end. So we left the rodeo early. Good-bye Mesquite Rodeo, we hardly knew ye.

Ok, so finally. We met up with Tim and Marci and Luke and Georgia at the Peabody in Memphis. We had adjoining rooms. Yea! As soon as we got there, we headed to some famous bbq place across the street. We waited, along with four children, 6 and under, in a hot, humid, crowded alley for almost an hour. The kids were patient for the first half and slowly morphed into wild animals for the second half. We did manage to get in, placate them with food and drink, and get out before we got kicked out. The above picture is just us at breakfast the next morning. Someone has pictures of our epic wait, but not me. 

Marci and Georgia at breakfast. She's the only girl cousin and SO STINKIN' CUTE. Love her.

So, the big to-do at the Peabody is the duck march. At 11am they march them from their rooftip digs into the elevator and to the fountain in the lobby. It's a big deal. We got there 45 minutes early and by the time the elevator opened, I was hot and claustrophic and trying to find a place to stand. Apparently the ducks booked it to the fountain, because I never even saw one. Literally, 4 seconds to the fountain. Still cute. The kids like it. 

The day has arrived (finally!!)

Yesterday Brice started First Grade, which means, among other things, that he is in school all day. ALL DAY. Like, from 9am to 3:30pm. I have been waiting feverishly for this day since shortly after Harry was born. And the screaming, fighting, fussing began. Brice is a child who craves knowledge and structure and interaction and immediate rewards for following rules. Kindergarten, with its short hours and phonics lessons, was a major disappointment for him. And this summer he was all stressed out about starting school. He's a bit of a worrier and often a worst-case scenario kind of kid (don't know who he got that from; ahem...) So, I wasn't really sure how he'd fare. We visited the teacher the day before and while he seemed to like her, he answered all her questions while standing behind me, trying to stay out of sight. 

In the morning, we all walked to school together. His friend Corey from Kindergarten was also there, so they stood in line together and waited for the bell. We waited too and waved good-bye as he marched into school with his head down. I would have said something encouraging, but I was in tears, as was Seth. We were quite a pair. Thankfully Brice didn't notice. I picked him up at 3:30, unsure of what I was going to face, but as soon as he jumped in the van he announced, "school is amazing!!"Then he regaled me with tales of the lunchroom, the gym class rules, all the kids in his class, how cool his teacher is, etc. And of course, I teared up. Today when I picked him up, I heard him say under his breath, "I can't believe I get to be in first grade." Look out world!!

Yesterday, he had to fill out a little questionnaire. Here are a few of his answers:

What are looking forward to learning? Why reptiles can climb up walls without hanging onto anything.

What is your favorite number? A googol (seriously)

What is your favorite game? Chess

Who is your favorite musical artist? The player piano at the Peabody.

What are your goals? Learn to juggle, learn to whistle, and eat fire (???)

Good Luck, Mrs. Miller!!

A little love note to start the year off right.

Ready to launch!

Walking to school in the already 90 degree heat.

Brice and his friend Corey.

Standing in line. It took all my restraint to not grab him and cover him in kisses. He would have been mortified.

Whatever you do, DON'T smile!!