I'm tired.

So very very tired. I'm tired of Seth working 60+ hours week after week after week. I cannot remember the last time he came home before the kids went down. I'm tired of not eating together. I'm tired of having to share him with his office at least part, and usually a large part, of every weekend. I'm tired of Brice. I'm tired of fighting with him. I'm tired of him hitting and scratching and biting and throwing a tantrum all day. I'm tired of him screaming when he gets disciplined. or when I hold Harry. or when I say no. or just to get attention. i'm tired of not being able to go outside without carrying two children down the stairs. i'm tired of not being able to go outside without at least one of them screaming on the way down, and both of them screaming by the time we all get in the car or get the stroller set up. i'm tired of carrying two children UP the stairs while Brice throws a tantrum. i'm tired of doing everything by myself. i'm tired of going to bed by myself. i'm tired of wondering when all this will end and there will be peace and balance in our house again. i'm tired of not sleeping through the night. i'm tired of dreading the sound of waking children in the morning. i'm tired of hearing, "baby, i really need to get into work early in the morning." i'm tired of being tired. i'm tired of not being able to hang out with my friends. or go to church. or go to housegroup. or being able to relax with a book. i'm tired of not feeling like myself. i miss me. and God. and Seth.